SELF-INFLICTED WOUNDS

It has been a rough couple of weeks for two of our athletic heroes: New York Giants receiver Plaxico Burress and Dallas Stars winger Sean Avery. Both made the headlines for the wrong reasons. Burress accidentally shot himself in the leg while clubbing in New York while Avery shot himself in the mouth with his recent "sloppy seconds" comment captured on TV.
If there is any consolation for Avery, at least he does not have to face a minimum of three years in prison for his detrimental conduct, which is something the controversial Burress could be facing if he's convicted of the weapons charges.
Depending on which report you may have heard or read, Burress was doing the safety dance at 1 a.m. at a nightclub in Manhattan when he popped his Glock inside his pants. Teammate Antonio Pierce panicked and called the New York Giants athletic trainer hoping he can save the day by patching up Burress' gunshot wound with some really good athletic tape. Now, when you are in a club and someone gets shot, shouldn't you be calling your mom? I guess Mom turned off her iPhone. Pierce drove Burress to a nearby hospital, checked him in under the name PlexiGlass and drove to New Jersey to bury the weapon at Giants Stadium. No? OK, maybe that wasn't how it really went down. Also, no truth to the rumor that Nurse Rachet and Dr. McDreamy were involved in the hospital cover-up. Some of the New York media were wondering why the Giants took so long in reporting the incident to the police. I think the main reason for the delay was because Burress and Pierce were still trying to figure out how to explain the whole story to Coach Tom Coughlin without getting busted. It was worth a shot!
As for Avery, his sexually charged soundbite was aimed at his former girlfriend, actress Elisha Cuthbert, who is apparently driving a curved stick between Avery and Calgary Flames Defenseman Dion Phaneuf.
The sexy star of the hit TV show "24" recently ditched the over-the-hill Avery for the younger and more studly Phaneuf. For whatever reason, this union has struck a nerve with Avery as he insinuated that Phaneuf is picking up after his leftovers. Sounds like someone is missing The Girl Next Door...eh!