REPUBLICANS GO FOR THE LONGSHOT

Desperate times call for desperate messures.

Sen. John McCain and his Republican party called timeout and summoned a gun-carrying, PTA-card holding hockey mom from Alaska ~ who also happens to be a former beauty queen and high school basketball point guard ~ to run for Vice President of the United States of America and change the momentum of the 2008 presidential election.

Say hello to Sarah Palin, a 44-year-old social conservative who has governed the state of Alaska for the past two years and prior to that was mayor of her small town. I guess two years of governing a state with a population the size of San Bernardino County is good enough for McCain and the GOP!

Only time will tell if this huge gamble will pay off. The Republicans needed a little pick-me-up after Sen. Barack Obama got a 10-point boost from the Democratic National Convention in Denver. McCain and his conservative troops are hoping, or praying, that the 18 million or so pro-Hillary Clinton supporters will jump on the Palin snowmobile and ride the Republican express ticket all the way to the White House. Let's just hope, and pray, the 18 million or so Clinton supporters are not shallow enough to fall into this GOP trap of gender politics. Whew! Had to get that off my chest.

Behind The Maverick and The M.I.L.F., the Republicans are putting on a fullcourt press in an attempt to turn things around and hope for a come-from-behind victory on Nov. 4. But what the GOP failed to realize is, Sen. Obama knows a thing or two about handling fullcourt pressure and won't be dropping the ball any time soon.

DANCING WITH NEW STARS

A 350-pound former NFL defensive tackle. A Grammy Award winner. Two Olympians. A daytime soap opera legend. An 82-year-old actress. A "Hannah Montana" star not named Miley Cyrus. A celebrity chef. A comedian. A reality TV star who Paris Hilton teased for having a "cottage cheese" butt. A sexy TV host once married to a famous plastic surgeon and now engaged to former Baywatch lifeguard David Charvet. Another former 'N Sync member not named Justin Timberlake. And the guy who played Stan Gable in "Revenge of the Nerds."

The seventh season of "Dancing with the Stars" begins on Sept. 22 and this new batch of toe-tappers should provide the popular show plenty of interest, intrigue and sass. Kenny Mayne should have a field day on "DanceCenter."

The show announced it will feature Susan Lucci ("All My Children"), Toni Braxton (singer), Maurice Greene (track and field), Misty May-Treanor (beach volleyball), Cloris Leachman ("The Last Picture Show"), Cody Linley ("Hannah Montana"), Warren Sapp (retired NFL lineman), Lance Bass ('N Sync), Brooke Burke (TV host/model/actress), Rocco DiSpirito (celebrity chef), Kim Kardashian ("Keeping up with the Kardashians"), Ted McGinley ("Married with Children" and "Revenge of the Nerds"), Jeffrey Ross (comedian).

Here are 10 predictions for this season:
1) Somebody will hook up. Odds on favorite to do so: Lance Bass and Tony Dovolani.
2) Kim Kardashian will be eliminated by Week 4. In reality, America hates beautiful people. How else can you explain Stacy Keibler's third-place finishi in Season 2? E-Blitz loves you, Stacy.
3) Brooke Burke will thank Garth Fisher, her ex-husband and plastic surgeon, in helping her stay young and fit.
4) Warren Sapp will stun the judges with his great footwork and agility. Not sure why this is such a surprise since all football players have good footwork and agility even for a big man like Sapp. I am looking forward to seeing Sapp and Kardashian do some serious booty shakes in the samba round.
5) Toni Braxton will dance to one of her songs.
6) Carrie Ann Inaba will penalize a couple for doing a lift.
7) Cloris Leachman will struggle with tempo. She's 82 years old!
8) At some point, Bruno will point out that Misty May-Treanor moves as if her feet were stuck on sand. Misty will respond by dumping her partner in favor of her beach volleyball BFF, Kerri Walsh.
9) Susan Lucci will reach the finals but won't win it.
10) A professional athlete will take home the trophy. My money is on Maurice Greene.

LONDON IS CALLING IN 2012

China went to great walls in putting together the perfect Olympic experience and, with a billion gold medals to show for thanks to those 14-year-old gymnasts, the host nation put its best foot forward and is now wearing the glass slipper.

A dream come true indeed for Beijing and all of China.

It started with a spectacular opening ceremonies. It was amazing how they stashed all the not-so-pretty Chinese kids and made them background singers. The night was capped by boosting former Olympian Li Ning up on the Bird's Nest to light up the Olympic Caldron. That was cool, but a 14-year-old Chinese gymnast could have done that. Would have been more impressive had Li Ning performed a triple twist off the roof of the Bird's Nest and nailed the dismount. That would have been a perfect 10.

It ranks in my top five Olympic moments when it comes to opening ceremonies. The other four were: Muhammad Ali shaking up the world and the Olympic torch in the 1996 Atlanta Games. Some Spanish archer, or maybe it was Orlando Bloom, lighting up the Caldron with his bow and arrow in the 1992 Barcelona Games. And who could forget Rafer Johnson running up the L.A. Coliseum steps and jump-starting the 1984 Games in Los Angeles.

Those were all Kodak moments.

But Beijing was recently tabbed as the "Greatest Olympics" ever. Hey, if Bob Costas said so then who are we to dispute that claim. A remarkable feat for a country that had already given us Jackie Chan, Jet Li, Chow Yun-Fat, John Woo, Ziyi Zhang and Bai Ling.

I would hate to be the next host nation to follow this act. But I do have a few suggestions that could help London spice things up in 2012.

[] First, get Lennox Lewis and Leona Lewis to carry the torch into Wembley Stadium. The tabloids would have a field day with this one.

[] Second, ask the Spice Girls to perform on the opening and closing ceremonies. You can't have enough girl power in the Olympics.

[] Third, convince the Spanish men's basketball team to tell fat jokes about Benny Hill.

[] Fourth, have a computer generated image of David Beckham kicking a flaming soccer ball across the stadium and having it land perfectly on top of the Olympic Caldron. Talk about bending the rules!

[] And fifth, have Sir Elton John sing "God Save the Queen" before every gold-medal event.

Actually, why not just have Queen revisit one of their famous anthems before, during and after each event. That would be splendid.

MICHAEL PHELPS IS 'AQUAMAN'

There is one explanation why Michael Phelps is so good in the water. He's part amphibian.
This claim is based on a few questions that remain unanswered. Has anyone seen Phelps out of the water for more than two hours? Didn't think so.
Has anyone seen Phelps' grill? Definitely not human.
Has anyone noticed Phelps' pre-race ritual where he slaps his back three times with the opposite arm like a swordfish eager to get back into the ocean? Very odd.
Has anyone seen the commercial where Phelps is about to dive into a shark-infested pool? Seems he's oblivious to dangerous sea creatures.
All these things point to signs that Phelps is not your average Olympic swimmer.
No human has ever won eight gold medals in one Olympics or set seven world records or win a race by .01 or swim 17 times and seemingly fresh enough to race 17 more times.
And if there is any hint of performance enhancing drugs in Phelps' system, Olympic officials have not been able to detect it.
So, having said all of that, I've concluded that the reasons for Phelps' mind-boggling display of superhuman feat are because:
[] He is the son of Tom Curry, a lighthouse keeper, and Atlanna, a waterbreathing outcast from the lost city of Atlantis.
[] He is able to breathe under water, communicate with sea animals and swim at high speeds.
Michael Phelps is ... AQUAMAN!

THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT BRETT

Brett Favre is now a New York Jet.
That's not how Hollywood would have scripted it but it's true. Favre is no longer a member of the Green Bay Packers and will now be wearing the colors of the New York Jets. It's like putting Joe Montana in a Kansas City Chiefs uniform or Jerry Rice wearing Silver and Black for the Raiders. It's wrong.
But right or wrong, it is the way of the NFL. You pour your heart and soul for 17 plus years for one team then once you get old that same team you thought was your BFF will turn its back on you and send some guy named Aaron Rodgers to take your place.
But cheer up, Brett. At least you still have Mary. Remember Mary? The perfect gal pal who almost went to the prom with Ted (not the Packers' GM Ted Thompson) before a certain zipper incident turned the whole town upside down.
Quarterbacks always gets the girl at the end, right?
OK. Maybe that's not how it happened in the movie "There's Something About Mary." As a matter of fact, Ted (Ben Stiller), got the girl (Cameron Diaz) at the end and Favre was left standing at the door with con man Pat Healy (Matt Dillon) and Mary's ex-boyfriend, Woogie (Chris Elliott). Favre would have had a better shot if he had gotten traded to the 49ers because, as I recall, Mary was a Niners fan.
Favre probably feels the weight of the world is on his shoulders now that he's surrounded by the New York media. Note to Brett. That 300-pound dumbbell holding you down is Mary's brother, Warren!

RANKING THE POWER COUPLES

Reality TV and a well-publicized sex tape made Kim Kardashian a Hollywood celebrity. Winning the Heisman Trophy for USC and getting involved in a well-publicized court battle has kept Reggie Bush's name in the spotlight despite a subpar second season in the NFL. Together, Reggie Bush, the football star, and Kim Kardashian, the sexy TV star, form one of the best power couples in the sports/entertainment world. Kardashian was recently spotted at the New Orleans Saints training camp cheering for her favorite Saint doing exactly what Jessica Simpson did last year to Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo. Distract him.

So which couple generates the most buzz? Jess and Tony? Bush and Kardashian? For every great man is a beautiful woman tugging at his shirt. Here's my top five sports couples:

5) Reggie Bush and Kim Kardashian: The BushDashian team is heating up internet sites and gossip magazines. Reports are that the couple is engaged. Let's hope they don't hire Ray J as the videographer.

4) Tony Parker and Eva Longoria: About the only thing worth watching at San Antonio Spurs home games is the site of Eva clapping feverishly for her favorite Spurs point guard, who probably is the only Frenchman living in San Antonio. Mercy! If Tony Longoria-Parker ever gets desperate and breaks off the marriage, Mario Lopez is ready to tango with Eva.

3) Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson: After last year's playoff exit, Cowboys receiver Terrell Owens wept on national TV when asked about his quarterback. Do you think Jess is capable of crying on cue if she was asked about Romo? Hmmm. Not sure. We may get the answer in a few weeks as HBO's newest soap opera "Hard Knocks: Training Camp with the Dallas Cowboys" airs this month. Get your popcorn ready!

2) Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen: The Brady Buuuuund...The Brady Buuuuund...Gisele arguably made the best rebound in the history of power couples when she snagged Brady, a three-time Super Bowl champion, after breaking up with Leonardo DiCaprio, who still hasn't won an Oscar. In his defense, Leo is the only crew member of the "Titanic" who still has a film career. Everyone else turned in their vests after 1998.

1) David Beckham and Posh Spice: Ahhh, yes. The royal couple. They set the bar back in 1997 when Posh, aka Victoria Adams, began dating the European soccer star and no couple has been able to challenge their hotness meter since. Their friends include Hollywood A-listers Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith and Sir Elton John. Even though "Becks and Posh" have long left Beckingham Palace, their star power is stronger than ever thanks to the stunning but calculated move from Europe to Los Angeles. Moving to LA-LA land bought Becks and Posh a few more years in the spotlight. Pure genius. Long live the King and Queen of sports and entertainment!